I woke dazed and confused on Saturday morning due to Fliss disappearing downstairs at an unusually early time. Normally I try to surface before her during the weekend so that I can play a game or two on the big tv in the lounge. It turned out that she had woken up early and since it was such a nice day she decided to stay up, albeit in her pj’s.
I joined her on the couch in a very sleepy state, lying on her lap while the Saturday morning TV presenters wittered on in the background. By the time I was starting to wake up, Fliss had made us both a seriously hot cup of tea – I placed mine on the floor while she sat there holding her cup in her right hand, balanced on her leg. The scene is set: I’m not totally awake, she is holding a very hot cup of tea.
In a moment of mischief, I wondered if I could bite her, just a little nibble you understand, and make good my escape before her left hand could make a swift connection with my face. Weighing up the odds I decided this was indeed possible.
However, the quick nibble caused a totally unforseen scenario to unfold before me. The very instant I bit, Fliss flinched and the hot cup of tea was introduced to her thigh and groin area quicker than her nervous system could register the temperature of it. For about half a second, that was, before she leapt from the couch, planted her cup on the floor and began prancing in the direction of the door with her pj bottoms held out in front of her by the waist band. Judging by the thump–thump–thump on the stairs, she was heading for the top bathroom at many speed of antelope.
She may have said the word “idiot!” along the way, but this was of too high a pitch for me to pick up clearly – my apologies to nearby dogs and other wildlife who were needlessly startled. To my regret, I couldn’t help but laugh. Not a deep bellied laughing policeman kind of laugh, but a nervous, stifled “you shouldn’t be laughing at this because you are soooo dead when she comes back” kind of laugh.