God to put power quotes on the dust jacket of Bible

Not Real News

God to put power quotes on the dust jacket of Bible

In a shock tactic announced today, God has indicated his intention to play hard-ball with the other players on the fiction shelf of your local bookstore. While not quite fire and brimstone, the measure seems to indicate that the entity known affectionately as “the holy ghost” is maybe sick of having the limelight stolen by other, lesser authors.

A spokesperson for the creator of all things admitted “In todays info-bite society with dwindling attention spans, it just wasn’t good market sense to stick with our plain cover. The gold lettering and leather bound style of the old bible was so last millennium.”

“When you’re up against stuff like ‘Stephen King’s most terrifying work yet – The Telegraph and ‘Ben Elton does it again – a laugh out loud pageturner – The Guardian, that good old Amish minamilism wasn’t exactly making our book leap off of the shelves into shopping baskets.”

Which power quotes the Bible will make use of is another matter, although hotly tipped to adorn the rear cover are:

“Simply stunning – this is God’s best work since the Old Testament. A gripping yarn that will silence the critics once and for all.” – Pope John Paul II

“Religion-tastic!!!” – The Sun