Sophie Ellis–Bextor in implant revelation

Not Real News

Sophie Ellis–Bextor in implant revelation

Viewers witnessing Sohpie Ellis–Bextor doing the rounds on the chat show circuit wont find it hard to spot the difference between her new lick of paint in contrast to her previously aloof “Murder on the dance floor” image.

However, the singer’s new blonde hair, teamed with short skirts and cleavage presenting tops, are the changes which are only skin deep.

Infoxicated.com has learned that during her gap year between albums, Ms Ellis–Bextor attended a top Harley Street clinic in order to have a personality implant fitted. The delicate procedure was actually performed some months ago by top surgeon Dr William Offenhausle.

Dr Offenhausle candidly revealed that Ms Ellis–Bextor had been the first person to undergo the revolutionary procedure. “Not that we do this kind of thing very often, but usually it’s the other way,” the good doctor explained, “We had Dale Winton in a few years back for a reduction, oh, and Jeremy Clarkson was in for some humility at one point, but this is actually the first time we’ve had to implant an entire personality. Indeed, it’s rare that a person should be so entirely bereft of wit, charm, humour and all of the other traits associated with a personality.”

Dr Offenhausle would not elaborate as to how difficult the procedure had been, but given the fact that Sophie now seems to smile and give answers of longer than two words when interviewed it would indicate that the surgery had been successful. When pressed, Dr Offenhausle added “To be honest, I wasn’t sure it would work – especially in a case as extreme as Sophie’s. When your client posesses the warmth and charm of a Speak and Spell without batteries, you know you’re going to earn your money. We actually suggested the hair dye and push–up bra as a back up plan, because the public can spot a fake personality a mile away.”

It was feared, even after the success of the operation, that Sophie’s body would simply reject the personality completely. Apparently the drugs used to combat this have left her looking pale, although if you can spot that difference you’re a better judge of shades of white than we are.

Fans of the songstress will no doubt be over-joyed at the measures Sophie has taken to be differentiated from pond life. One fan, Rick in Islington, went on record as saying “I think it’s great – I mean, she was always a bit of a looker, but now there’s less chance of her boring you to suicide while you’re copping an eye–full”