Shopkeepers Face Washout

Not Real News

Shopkeepers Face Washout

Local shopkeepers are feeling the bite of a wet October, as sales of traditional Bonfire Night fireworks are noticeably down on previous years. Bhim Paramjeet, owner of a corner shop on the outskirts of Liverpool, feared that this autumn could mark one of the worst in terms of sales.

“Sure, I have sold many boxes of fireworks to the youths that come and go. But where is the fun in standing in the pouring rain, waiting to blow the face off of an innocent passer by when you are so wet the colour in your shell suit is running?” Paramjeet explained, adding “I start selling the boxes in oh, say, late September, and expect the teenagers to be back in droves right up until mid November at least. This year, due to the torrential rain they have not come back to re-stock as frequently, so my takings are down.”

We asked Paramjeet whether he knew that the local casualty department had been pleased with the downturn of firework related injuries this year, but that did not seem to offer him any comfort.

“That’s all very well for them, but me? I’ll have to put the christmas decorations up on the sixth of November and hope I can sell some of these bloody fireworks to the idiots that like to mark the coming of the new year with them.”

A Met Office spokesman told us that the wet weather looks set to continue for the coming weeks, so if you’ve ever wanted to venture outside at this time of year, perhaps now is the time to do it.