Earlier today in a dawn ceremony held at the Scientology Celebrity Center in Hollywood, California, Britney Spears was inducted into the religion boosted by mega stars such as Tom Cruise and Will Smith.
Under the watchful eye of some of Scientology’s top minds, Britney was successfully audited during the ceremony and sources have revealed that she will skip directly to the OT3 (Operating Thetan) level, such was her competancy in key areas of the audit; Cashflow and Mental Fragility.
“We’ve been patiently waiting for the right moment to introduce Britney to the wonders of Scientology for a long while now, ” Our source told us, adding “we were very encouraged when she denounced Kaballah a couple of years back. And, lets face it, when you’ve been married to Kevin Federline and he’s been declared the sensible one you’re about as ripe as targets get for us.”
Claiming Britney as a follower is something of a coup for Scientology and will gain them valuable exposure in the important “teens and twenties” demographic. Expected to join Scientology luminaries such as Tom Cruise, Will Smith, and John Travolta in a summer promotional tour, entitled Xenu 4 Me and U, Britney is said to be thrilled at the opportunity to spread the word of Xenu.
“To be honest, what with all the alimony I’m paying to Kevin and the kids, I just didn’t think I had the bank balance needed to become a Scientologist.” Britney told a packed press conference this morning. “But it turns out that if I’m short they will loan me the money and I can repay it by working for the Church. Isn’t that neat?”
When asked about her current mental state, Ms Spears nodded in agreement with the assembled media.
“I guess you could say that I am a little bit nuts, but I think I’m with like-minded people in the Church of Scientology.”
Could say? Thats the understatement of the century.