Spare him his life from this monstrosity


Spare him his life from this monstrosity

I didn’t think I’d manage it this long into 2007, but here we are 18 days in and I haven’t managed to hear Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. For someone who channel hops on the car radio every time an advert comes on, that’s a damn impressive streak.

I’ve heard the over rated piece of crap so many bloody times since Freddie Mercury joined the choir unseen that I’m sure I could avoid it for five years and I’d still feel saturated by it. I am actually planning a two year Bohemian Rhapsody hiatus, but knowing that at any given moment, somewhere in the world, that fucking song is playing means that avoiding it for a month, let alone a year, is a major challenge.

What really pisses me off about Bohemian Rhapsody is the avoidance by association of other Queen songs, some of which I’m quite fond of. A Kind of Magic, One Vision, I Want It All, and the oft played I Want to Break Free are all far more worthy of my listening time than that wretched operatic train wreck that even a cranial enema couldn’t now flush from my head.

I’m going to be strict about it, too, and count anything longer than four seconds as a listen. So, should I hear any more than, say, “Mamaaaaa, just kill…” then that counts. If I accidentally hear one of the operatic parts then I’m cutting the limit to three seconds, because my reflexes should really be fast enough to switch off much beyond a single “scaramouch” or “fandango”.

However, “Any way the wind blows…” does not count as a listen – hearing that counts as a triumph because it means I fortuitously managed to avoid the five minutes and forty five seconds of nausea that preceed it.

Game on.