infoxicated – Page 175 – Digital infotainment from the life of Rob Foxx

Tea Story

Monday May 17th 2004

I woke dazed and confused on Saturday morning due to Fliss disappearing downstairs at an unusually early time. Normally I try to surface before her during the weekend so that I can play a game or two on the big tv in the lounge. It turned out that she had woken up early and since it was such a nice day she decided to stay up, albeit in her pj’s.

I joined her on the couch in a very sleepy state, lying on her lap while the Saturday morning TV presenters wittered on in the background. By the time I was starting to wake up, Fliss had made us both a seriously hot cup of tea – I placed mine on the floor while she sat there holding her cup in her right hand, balanced on her leg. The scene is set: I’m not totally awake, she is holding a very hot cup of tea.

In a moment of mischief, I wondered if I could bite her, just a little nibble you understand, and make good my escape before her left hand could make a swift connection with my face. Weighing up the odds I decided this was indeed possible.

However, the quick nibble caused a totally unforseen scenario to unfold before me. The very instant I bit, Fliss flinched and the hot cup of tea was introduced to her thigh and groin area quicker than her nervous system could register the temperature of it. For about half a second, that was, before she leapt from the couch, planted her cup on the floor and began prancing in the direction of the door with her pj bottoms held out in front of her by the waist band. Judging by the thump–thump–thump on the stairs, she was heading for the top bathroom at many speed of antelope.

She may have said the word “idiot!” along the way, but this was of too high a pitch for me to pick up clearly – my apologies to nearby dogs and other wildlife who were needlessly startled. To my regret, I couldn’t help but laugh. Not a deep bellied laughing policeman kind of laugh, but a nervous, stifled “you shouldn’t be laughing at this because you are soooo dead when she comes back” kind of laugh.

Stupid supermarket things that seem obvious to me

Tuesday May 11th 2004

In Asda you can get hotdog rolls in packs of six and hotdogs that come in tins of eight. Why is that?

If you want burgers then virtually every type of burger they sell come in packs of either two or four, while burger buns come in packs of six. Why is that?

I cant be the only one who has noticed this – there isn’t a vast leap of knowledge required to realise that if you sell things in certain quantities then things that go with them should also come in the same quantity.

I wonder if there’s a place on the website I could put that suggestion to them?

I’m going to have a look.

Socom II

Saturday May 8th 2004

Since TimeSplitters 2 was getting a little long in the tooth, I was eager to find myself another PS2 based first person shooter to get my teeth into. And, over the last couple of weeks, I’ve solely been playing Socom II due to its immersive single player mode and addictive online play.

I assumed the headset control was going to be gimicky at first, but in single player mode it really does draw you into the game. A whispered warning through the earphone from your team mates as an enemy passes close by can have you holding your breath and freezing to the spot in a way that just wouldn’t carry the same weight through the main tv speakers. Additionally, the chat that goes on during online play can be both helpful and amusing, although you do get the occasional assclowns on there, who can thankfully be muted if they prove to be consistantly annoying.

An example of a comedy conversation from an online session early on a Saturday morning:
Player 1:*I think I can see some movement over by the gate*
Player 2 : Cool. Why are you whispering, by the way? They cant hear you.
Player 1 : *Because my mum is asleep!*
Player 2 : Not wishing to pry, but why are you playing Socom in your mum’s bedroom?
Player 3 : ..yeah – don’t tell us you sleep together!
Player 1 : NO! No! It’s just that the walls are very thin!
The voicecomm’s really does help you get to know the personalities of the people you’re playing with, and is essential for organising the tactical side of things during the game. I’ve had terse warnings hissed from a team mate who can see I’m about to step on a pressure mine, for instance, while feedback about enemy locations has helped secure a win against a team with a three man advantage in what looked like a lost battle. A team who talks together wins together in Socom II, while a team of freelancers who don’t communicate can be embarrassingly dismantled by even an average team on the opposiotion, so long as they help each other out.